Type A Personality

Ok, yes, I am the first to admit that I’m just a little (no comments from the peanut gallery, please) Type A Personality. This is a fact of life. I deal with change by searching for (obsessing over) a solution, setting (obsessing over) a goal, and then work hard to (obsess over) achieving that goal. Of course, this is a very good way (the only way) to get anything done. Its a system that works very well for me.

So. I survived graduate school. I survived planning a wedding. I survived getting married. I survived my first purchase of Lemon Pledge. I survived moving in with a man who thinks beige is a color, and worse, likes it! I am woman, hear me roar! I can conquer anything.

Except for the little changes that creep up on you and then WHAP you on the head.

We registered for the most cutest set of everyday dishes. The perfect dishes. Not only does every piece in the 44 piece set match each other, get this, they match my perfect little teapot that I adore. Our thoughtful friends brought us these fabulous dishes. I kept clearing away boxes so that the next box to be unpacked would be the fabulous dish set. They are plain, they are understated, and, so help me, they will match with every tablecloth I’ll ever be in the mood to buy, every day for as long as we both shall live!

Can you see it coming? Do you see the warning signs? I certainly didn’t see it coming, but here it is!!!

I’ve become the woman who not only owns lemon Pledge, but I own lemon Pledge and I obsess over dishes!

My dearest husband hauled the enormous box of fabulous dishes across the parking lot and up the stairs. I waited and waited until I couldn’t stand it, then I started hunting through the forest of boxes for the fabulous dishes. When I found it, I wiped the drool from my chin and cracked open the fabulous box of dishes. I pulled out the perfect little coffee cups and fondled them as I lifted them to their special place in the cabinet. I pulled out the soup bowls and gently blew the cardboard dust off of them as I placed them on the counter. I sang a little song and danced a little dance as I pulled out all forty-four dishes, one at a time, and welcomed them to our lovely home.

(Look at me! I’m getting better; I can separate a pre-rant into pseudo-paragraphs.)

One by one, I placed each fabulous 11″ dinner plate on the counter and separated a special place for them in the cupboard. With all of my I-have-a-desk-job girly might, I hoisted all of the dinner plates up into the cabinet. I inhaled and blinked, preparing to take in the wonder of the fabulous dishes settled in to their new home in our kitchen.

And then I saw it.

Oh! The HORROR!

The most horrible sight I had ever laid eyes on.

The dishes were WARPED!!

My precious!!

All of my dreams of domestic bliss had just vanished before my eyes. Every single soup bowl, salad plate, and dinner plate was as straight as Liberace(I’m so upset about these dishes that I spelled ‘Liberace’ right on the first try). It was like someone gave a kindergarten class shots of Redbull and tequila and then told them to go play in the dish factory! The dinner plates were giving me vertigo because they were at eye level!
I was so traumatized that I had to go lay down (ok, I’m exaggerating), but my poor husband had to pack every dish back into that box and remove them from our home before their disease infected our silverware and bake ware!

He loves me, he is so sweet. He took them back, and exchanged them for another box. Got that box home and guess what? That set of dishes was as warped as The Fly! Did I mention that my husband loves me? He took that horrid set back to the store too.

So it was time for drastic measures. I went to a department store. A department store!! I purchased a nicer set of fewer dishes for more money at a department store! I hauled them up the stairs, cracked open the box, wiped the drool from my chin, and can you guess?

WARPED!

It is officially clear that my husband would go to the end of the earth for me! He packed up a 3rd set of dishes. Does anybody know if IKEA is hiring?

I’m ready to break out the china and use it every day. For what Ian’s family paid for the magnificent china settings, those had BETTER be straight or I may need to be committed.

My sweet husband who loves me and forgives me and adores me (did I mention he forgives me) asked that we not use the china every day. I will buy straight dishes! I am woman, hear me roar!